i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
