Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
