I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
