I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize