From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
