I want you more than these girls want KFC
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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