found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
