I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
