and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
