One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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