My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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