Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
