the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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