I'm really into asian looking animals
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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