I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
