My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
