I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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