Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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