yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
