how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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