Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
