I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
