The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
