Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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