Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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