I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
