That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
