How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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