why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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