so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
