Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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