I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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