i just had sex bonerless
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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