I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
