I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
