Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
