I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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