You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
