Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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