Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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