Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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