Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
