Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Everclear isn't food dammit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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