I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
