he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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