You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
