So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
