Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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