i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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