When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
