Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
