i would punch a child for taco bell
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
