Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
