It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
