Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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