Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
