The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
