i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
