no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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