I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
