if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
