I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
