I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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