dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
