I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
