Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
