what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
