That's intense
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ttyl tear gas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
